


Watch Me Float as I Fall

by MariaLee



Series: Not Perfection but Completeness [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: Knights of the Old Republic (Video Games)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Frot, Insomnia, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Scars, Sex Is Fun, The Force
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-25
Updated: 2019-02-25
Packaged: 2019-11-05 17:04:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17922845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MariaLee/pseuds/MariaLee
Summary: Something dark looms on the horizon. Vann Chis, formerly known as Revan and currently viewed as the Republic's last great hope, knows this better than anyone. He's haunted by nightmares from his past and consumed by anxiety over everything he can't remember.But he's not alone. Carth Onasi is by his side, ready to catch him when he falls and loving him despite his imperfections.If only that were enough to save the galaxy...





	Watch Me Float as I Fall

**Author's Note:**

> The title and a few of the themes are from the Coheed and Cambria song "Love Protocol."
> 
> This story is part of the Not Perfection but Completeness AU, but it still works as a stand-alone story. There are some notes at the bottom of this work if you're not familiar with this universe and would like more information.

It wasn't every night that Vann woke up with a scream caught in his throat and sweat drying against his skin as his heart hammered so hard between his ribs that he thought it would explode. But when he did wake up like that his hands always shook uncontrollably as tears clouded his vision and he tried to bite back something that felt like either a shout or a sob. Even half-awake his mind was still adrift in misty recollections, images of lightning blinding his eyes as it illuminated an alien sky.

Trembling beneath the blanket Vann tried to center himself and focus his power, either to release all of his fears into the Force or to _use_ them to fuel him into action and give him the strength he needed to recover the shrouded memories that constantly gnawed at the back of his mind. But all he managed to do was shiver uselessly, trapped amongst the unknown horrors of his forgotten past. Throwing off the covers he scrubbed his palms across his face, sucking in desperate breaths as he tried to fight back the panic that was quickly seizing him. But he was failing.

"Vann?" Cath's groggy voice cut through the darkness of their room. "What's wrong?"

"N… nothing. It's… ah, it's… fine," he lied, his breath coming in short gasps that made his head feel woozy. "I. I'm just. Fine."

Less than a second later Carth was scrambling across the sheets and hurrying to Vann's side as he pressed a firm hand between his partner's shoulder blades, rubbing gentle circles as he murmured, "You're alright. Everything is okay, just try to breathe."

Vann wanted to snap that he was breathing, dammit. That he'd been choked enough times to know what it felt like to be denied air. Or maybe he just wanted to yell at Carth for treating him like he was some sort of a helpless child. But his vision was beginning to swim as he struggled for breath, his lungs wheezing helplessly as anxiety gripped his throat and sent cold chills down his spine.

A broad body pressed against Vann's back, solid and warm, as gentle hands ran down his arms. "Hey, you're alright. Just listen to my voice. You're here, I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere."

The soft rise and fall of Carth's chest was rhythmic and soothing, helping to chase away some of his partner's panic. Each time he exhaled a warm puff of breath floated across Vann's head, ruffling his hair and driving away some of the coldness that permeated the room. The former mercenary kept sucking in weak gasps of air, but his body still felt disconnected and useless. At least he wasn't alone, a realization that sent a jolt of brightness shimmering through the Force.

"I've got you Gorgeous. You're safe."

_Safe_. Despite the time that had passed since the Star Forge, that was somehow still a novel concept for Vann. He shuddered against Carth as he forced his lungs to finally work, trying to match the other man's slow and even breaths. _Inhale, exhale._

"Good." Carth pressed a soft kiss to the top of his partner's head. "Is there anything else I can do? Do you want to talk about it?"

"Nope." Vann's heart was still racing as he leaned back, his limbs tingling from the lack of oxygen. "I'm fine."

"You're not fine."

"Still don't want to talk about it."

Surprisingly, Carth didn't press the situation. Instead, he wrapped his arms around Vann's shoulders and held him tight, the warmth and pressure providing comfort in the darkness. They sat together like that until their breathing synced and Vann was no longer a trembling mess, his heart finally slowing to the point where wasn't trying to hammer its way through his chest. All of this seemed to take hours, but in reality, only minutes passed. Yet, the panic gripping his mind made each second feel like a relative eternity.

Sensing that his partner was gradually calming, Carth loosened his grip so that he could trail his fingers down the other man's biceps and gently kiss the side of his neck, every touch gentle and full of affection. Vann leaned into the contact like a loth cat, the needy and selfish part of him absolutely _basking_ in the coddling. He was beginning to realize that in his past life he must have been a very tactile person, at least according to his handful of recovered memories that didn't involve war and death. In them he was always touching someone, patting them on the back or allowing them to lean on his shoulder in camaraderie. He rarely recognized any of the faces, but the scenarios all bore some resemblance.

Since the crash, touch had been something that Vann had craved and yet been deprived of. Mercenaries along the outer rim rarely made physical contact for anything more than a friendly handshake, a punch to the gut, or perhaps suturing a particularly nasty wound. Sure, there was always the option of casual sex, but none of that had ever appealed to him. It wasn't that he disapproved of it for any reason. Honestly, it just never occurred to him as a possibility. Before meeting Carth and the rest of his friends, he'd divided all sentients into three basic categories - allies, enemies, and targets. It was a simple breakdown that served him well, at least until Bastila crashed into his life and irrevocably changed everything.

And now his situation was completely different.

Carth's hands had begun rubbing Vann's shoulders, his calloused fingers carefully massaging away the constant tension that the other man carried. "Are you alright?"

No, Vann hadn't been alright in a long time. But he was desperately _trying_ to get there. Humming contently, he arched his back with a groan as his partner managed to dig a thumb into a particularly nasty knot just above his left shoulder blade. Even though the panic had mostly subsided his system was still buzzing with adrenalin, and the blissful heat and closeness of Carth was causing his body to react with increasing interest. He had vague recollections of soldiers experiencing similar responses after particularly harrowing battles, the primitive parts of the Human brain unable to discern much difference between a life-or-death struggle and a quick tumble in someone's bedroll.

Vann was fairly sure that he used to think he was somehow above such reactions, but it seemed he was sorely mistaken.

Twisting around in Carth's arms he leaned up and kissed the other man, sweetly at first but quickly growing more demanding as he deepened the kiss. His tongue slipped into his partner's mouth to taste and tease before drawing back playfully as he sucked hard on the center of the pilot's bottom lip.

"Vann…" Carth angled his head away, his voice slightly breathless as he braced his hands on the other man's shoulders. "What are you doing?"

"What does it feel like I'm doing?" Sliding forward Vann slipping into the other man's lap, straddling his thighs.

"Vann!" The name was practically gasped as the former mercenary rolled his hips and then ground down _just_ enough to make Carth absolutely positive of his intentions. "You just woke up having a panic attack. Are you sure you want to…?"

"I'm _fine_." It was still a lie, but quickly becoming less of one. Sex had a way of brushing aside the worst of Vann's doubts and anxieties, forcing him to live in the moment until he was laying in the cooling afterglow and forced to face reality once again. "But if you don't want to…"

Grasping Vann by the hips, Carth kissed him hard to swallow the rest of his words before gently nipping at the soft skin behind his ear. "I was just checking."

Vann chuckled quietly as the pilot sucked and kissed a trail down his neck, the pressure just enough to send a tingle through his body without leaving any noticeable marks. Or so he hoped. The soft brush of Carth's facial hair against his clavicle only made him laugh harder, which earned him an exasperated sigh.

"Are you honestly _laughing_ right now?"

"You tickled me!"

"You are unbelievable…" There was amusement in Carth's words as he drew back just enough to tug off the old shirt that Vann slept in, tossing it onto the floor. "If you're still thinking clearly, I'm obviously not doing this right."

The next moment Carth's mouth descended on one of Vann's nipples, flicking it with the tip of his tongue before sucking on the darker skin until it hardened to a peak. The effect was instantaneous, alighting the nerves in the former mercenary's chest and sending jolts of pleasure straight to his steadily growing erection. A soft sigh escaped him, turning to a moan as his cock was palmed and then _rubbed_ through the thin material of his sleep pants.

"That's better." Grinning smugly, Carth circled his hand one more time, drawing out a gasp of pleasure before he grabbed the other man by the waist and pushed him back onto the bed.

Vann let himself be guided into the pillows, his shoulders sinking in first followed by the back of his head. He was suitably breathless by the time Carth settled on top of him, straddling his hips and pinning both hands above his head. He squirmed a bit but didn't resist aside from a determined wriggle as he tried to get more friction on his cock, which was now straining at pants. Part of him wanted to free one hand so that he could stroke himself or at least finish getting undressed, but his wrists were held firmly in place.

Without the Force augmenting Vann's physical capabilities, Carth was actually stronger than him, a fact that had been both shocking _and_ surprisingly delightful to learn. While he could theoretically break the hold at any moment, tonight he was more than content to let his partner take control.

Leaning in closer, Carth kissed Vann deeply as he rolled his hips, their erections grinding against each other with just enough friction to draw out a ragged, bitten-back moan. Sucking at a tender spot along his partner's jaw, the pilot whispered, "Don't hold back. I want to hear you."

A low whine of pleasure escaped Vann as the pilot ground down harder. The sensation sent sparks down his legs as heat pooled in the center of his stomach, and he gasped out, "Less clothes. _Now_."

"Alright, but you stay just like that." Chuckling huskily, Carth drew back languidly as though he had all of the time in the galaxy and his own cock wasn't pushing desperately at the front of his pajamas. "I'm also going to turn the light on."

Groaning in frustration, Vann only moved to lift his hips up as the last of his clothing was removed and thrown off the bed. "You know what I look like. And if you can't find my dick in the dark we have other problems."

It was several agonizing seconds before Carth returned, the heat of his bare skin indicating that he was also naked. Pressing his body against Vann's, he nipped at his partner's earlobe before whispering, "Yeah, but I like to watch while I make you come."

"Kriff…" The word came out with an undignified squeak that Vann would definitely deny in the full light of day. Waving one hand towards the bedside table where a small lap sat, he summoned just enough power to switch the light on.

It was Carth's turn to laugh as he resumed teasing Vann. "Cheater," he muttered, right before sucking one nipple into a peak as he rolled the other between his fingertips.

Vann had a retort ready, but he couldn't recall a single word of it as another sharp spark of pleasure burst through him, tingling across his chest and down to his toes. A deep whimper was wrenched from his throat as wet kisses were pressed to his sternum and then to the center of the scar that bisected his abdomen. At first, he'd been mildly embarrassed by the mark despite the fact that they were both soldiers with their fair share of old battle wounds. But Carth had quickly banished that thought, using their earliest foreplay to trace and memorize every imperfection carved into his partner's flesh, all while guiding Vann to do the same.

A final kiss was pressed into the dark curls that nestled between former mercenary's legs, followed by a hand sliding slowly up his cock. It stopped at the very tip as calloused fingers played with the wetness that was already leaking from the glans. He closed his eye from the sheer pleasure that coursed through his system, moaning as he thrust his hips up.

"You're gorgeous," Carth murmured, his voice thick with arousal. "Absolutely gorgeous." Gently nudging Vann's thighs apart, he settled between them, sucking a bruise into the curve of one hip.

Opening his eyes, Vann looked down just in time to meet Carth's dark gaze before the other man ran his tongue up the shaft of the former mercenary's cock. This earned a shout that turned into a full-throated groan as a hot mouth gradually lowered down the length, sucking hard with each minute motion.

"Shit," Vann managed to breathe out. " _Yes_!" The wet heat that surrounded his cock was an excruciating delight and it took all of his effort to keep his eyes open. But it always aroused him even more to watch as his partner's head bobbed up and down, his cheeks hollowing and his hand carefully working the length that wasn't in his mouth. Seeming to sense that he was being watched, Carth paused to swirl his tongue around the sensitive head, humming in satisfaction when he was rewarded with a long moan.

The warmth that was building low in Vann's gut was spreading outward, infusing him with a tingling euphoria that made it hard to breathe between the desperate little sounds that spilled from his lips. He could feel his breath coming in panting, needy gasps as his Carth sucked him harder, one hand moving to gently fondle his balls. His limbs felt half numb as he resisted the urge to buck his hips, having learned from past experience that accidentally gagging the pilot was a sure way to ruin the mood. He tried to breathe normally but it was hard to do anything but whimper.

A second later the wet heat of Carth's mouth drew back. Vann groaned as he rolled his hips in disappointment, even as the pilot delivered a sharp nip to his inner thigh.

"You're going to hyperventilate."

"Am not."

"Hmm." Pressing delicate kisses along the crease of Vann's thigh, Carth shook his head. "You sure about that?"

No, Vann was _not_ sure, even as he drew a deep breath and then exhaled as slowly as possible. "Keep. Going. Or I'm gonna…"

"Going to _what_?" Carth arched a playful brow as he ran his tongue along the underside of Vann's cock. "If I keep going, you're going to come. And I want you to last a little longer."

" _Carth_."

A deep sound that was half laughter and half possessive growl rumbled through the pilot's chest as he moved back up the bed, pausing to reach over and retrieve something from the night table drawer. Vann watched through half-lidded eyes, his entire body burning with arousal as his cock leaked against his stomach. Turning onto his side, he took a moment to really appreciate his partner's appearance. Carth was naturally broad-shouldered, but years of military training combined with loading freight along the Outer Rim had given him good muscle definition, something that hadn't waned much with age. Though there was a bit of softness creeping around his middle, it was hardly noticeable. Shifting closer, Vann reached out to trail his fingers along the smooth planes of the other man's abdomen, admiring the reddish hairs that decorated his chest and the darker line that ran from his navel downward.

"You're taking too long."

"No, you're just _impatient._ " Laying down beside Vann, Carth tweaked his partner's nipple in admonishment before revealing the bottle that he took so long retrieving. Popping open the cap, he poured a generous amount of lube in his palm before reaching down and slicking his own cock and then Vann's.

The wet slide of the lubricant combined with the hot grip of the other man's hand was almost enough to make Vann come right there, his sensitive nerve endings sending sparks down his legs and through his stomach. " _Yes_ ," he hissed. " _Please_."

"Well, since you asked nicely…" Carth's pupils were blown wide with lust as he wrapped his hand around both of their cocks, holding them firmly as he slid his calloused palm over the delicate skin. The lube kept the friction pleasant, earning a satisfied whimper from Vann as his hips began to twitch in time with the pilot's steady strokes.

At first the pace was too slow, enough to hold the former mercenary at the very edge of pleasure without pushing him over. He could feel his orgasm building, a continuous rolling wave of heat that kept threatening to spill forth but never did. "Faster," he breathed. " _More_."

"Yeah?" It was obvious from his grunts and heavy breathing that Carth was rapidly catching up to his partner. His own hips began to stutter as his grasp tightened and he actively began rubbing his cock against Vann's as he sped up his pace. "Is that good?"

" _Yes_. Shit. I'm close…" The thrust of Vann's hips was growing erratic as his pleasure mounted, the firm grip around his cock combined with the slick rub of Carth's shaft against the underside of his own driving him closer to orgasm with each passing moment. Finally, the tingling heat that filled him overflowed, pleasure shooting through his body as his cock pulsed and spilled his load across his stomach and Carth's hand. He kept shuddering uncontrollably as his limbs trembled and temporarily lost feeling, his vision growing blurry as his higher functions shut down completely. He distantly realized that he was crying out as he clung to Carth's shoulders, his blunt nails digging shallow crescents into the other man's flesh.

It only took a few more seconds for the pilot to follow, his hand moving in long, fast jerks as he chased his own pleasure. Shuddering, he came in a thick rope that coated his palm and arm. It joined the mess that Vann had already made, though he didn't seem to care as he stroked himself through his completion, his head thrown back and groans pouring from his throat.

Thought slowly filtered back into Vann's mind as the glow of his orgasm faded away, leaving him feeling tired and thoroughly sated. Stretching his toes, he tried to work the numbing tingle from his legs as he arched his back, his gaze settling on the man lying beside him.

"You have fun?"

Carth smiled at this, moving forward just enough to press their foreheads together as he nodded slowly. "Just a little."

"I can tell." Vann couldn't help from smirking back, even as his body began to feel lax and sleepy.

"Don't fall asleep yet." Drawing an exasperated breath, Carth forced himself to roll out of bed. "You're a mess."

"And whose fault is that?"

"Mostly yours." Disappearing into the 'fresher, Carth moved around and ran the water for a few minutes before returning with a wet washcloth. Handing it to Vann, he ordered, "At least wipe yourself off."

"Mm-hmm." Dragging himself into a sitting position, Vann scrubbed at the mess splattered across his stomach and thighs with a grimace. "Ugh."

"Do you want to get in the sonic?"

"Not really."

Nodding knowingly, Carth took the washcloth back and rinsed it out before returning to the room and picking the discarded clothing off the floor. He quickly dressed.

"Aw, I was enjoying the view."

"I'm cold, I'm tired, and I'd like to get a couple more hours sleep before I have to go to work." Tossing Vann's pants at his head, Carth's expression softened. "You should try to do the same."

Eventually they were both dressed and settled back under the covers, the light out and their room illuminated only by the moonlight filtering through the window. The pilot was already on his side dozing peacefully, his breaths growing deeper and more rhythmic by the second. Vann flipped onto his back and tried to do the same, but every time he closed his eyes he was choked by anxiety as visions of lightning and shrewd yellow eyes swam through his mind. Dread coiled cold in his gut, making his skin feel clammy beneath the layers of dried sweat. He knew he wasn't getting back to sleep.

The Force shuddered, a cold wave swirling through it, and Vann snuggled closer to Carth as he tried to ward off the chill that was desperately trying to consume his entire being. Something dark was looming on the horizon and the threat was growing worse by the day. Soon he'd have to do something about it. He wasn't sure what, but he was positive that the duty was his to bear.

Staring out the window at the twinkling field of Rakata's stars, Vann draped one arm over his partner's chest as he inhaled deeply, filling his nose with the other man's scent as he tried to memorize every detail. There was the faint musk of salt air and sweat, joined by the more floral scents of soap and shampoo, overlaid with the sterile odor of whatever detergent the Republic base used. But beneath it all was something deeper, richer,and uniquely _Carth_ that Vann wanted to bottle it and keep it with him forever. This was the scent of _home_.

Still pressed close to his partner's back, Vann sighed as he tried not to think about what the future might hold. For now, everything he wanted was right here on Rakata, most of it laying in bed beside him.

"I love you," he murmured against the other man's shoulder.

Carth gave some sort of incomprehensible grunt before his breathing evened out again. While the audible noise was nothing more than mumbling, the meaning was clear in the Force.

_I love you too_.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Comments and constructive criticism are always welcome.
> 
> 1\. For those not familiar with the Not Perfection but Completeness universe, all you need to know is that Vann is Revan, he's still missing most of his memories, and both he and Carth (along with several allies) moved to Rakata to guard the Star Forge after the equivalent events of the KOTOR game. Obviously, Vann and Carth became a couple during those events.
> 
> 2\. For those familiar with this universe, this story takes place around the time of No Light without Shadow's epilogue. (About a year after the main plot.)
> 
> 3\. A lot of authors write sleek, sultry porn which is incredibly lovely. I don't. Sex (especially between two people who really know each other) is usually messy, silly, and sometimes a little awkward. If you're doing it right, there's often a lot of laughing. I try to write that type of sex.
> 
> 4\. FYI, Love Protocol is a really good theme song for Carth and Vann (at least where they stand after No Light without Shadows), so I'd recommend listening to it!
> 
> "Hold on to me  
> Tell me you've got me, sweetheart  
> The world is going dim in my gaze  
> Sweet vertigo  
> Feel my lungs heaving, choking  
> Clawing down my back, panic attack  
> I'm alone, watch me float as I fall"


End file.
